Johnny Depp to Return to "Pirates"? Record Labels Obsolete?! (This Artist Proves It?), The Phenomeon of People Feeling "Victimized" By Others Being More Attractive(The Five for 05/20/22)
Hey, welcome to The Five.
It’s Friday, so let’s dive into Culture & Commentary.
[one]
Gonna kick things off with a brief note here.
Last night, Amanda and I were able to see Zach Bryan, on the eve of his new album (out today).
I’ve covered Zach a bit before in The Five, but if you’re not familiar…the quick version is that an active duty Navy sailor started posting live videos of his country/Americana songs to Twitter, and absolutely blew up.
Then he had to finish out his service before becoming a “full time” musician. In the interim, Bryan would use rented airbnbs to record music to feed his rabid fanbase.
The pic above…is from Bryan’s first true tour.
Due to the mud from a storm that had just blown through (and Amanda being seven months pregnant), we wound up sitting at a picnic table, where an overly friendly (and/or very drunk) twentysomething told us “Zach Bryan and Morgan Wallen are the two biggest names in country music.”
For comparison, Wallen is multi-platinum artist, with the full power of Nashville behind him, gracing magazine covers and awards shows.
Zach Bryan isn’t on a record label and tours with his high school friends as his backing band.
So, it just happened.
The long-held promise of the internet.
creators can win on talent alone, with a PR/media machine behind them.
Which makes Zach Bryan more than just a country/Americana singer.
But a torch bearer for the idea of art winning on merit.
[two]
The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition covers were released this week to no lack of controversy (which is how you sell magazines, so it’s not surprising). Perhaps the
But rather than doomsday cries about scantily clad women, the criticism is over Kardashian looking like…most models have looked for the last 80 years or so (more or less).
It’s notable that the criticism, which came from the religious right in the 1980’s/1990’s, is now resonating from the social justice left…who find the fact that people are attractive to be offensive, apparently.
From Yahoo:
According to the comments on SI Swimsuit's social media post announcing the cover stars, most are disappointed in the inclusion of a woman who has been blamed for perpetuating impossible beauty standards and who, very recently, boasted about unhealthy dieting.
"Incredibly disappointed. In all that SI has done the past couple of years for women, empowerment, and body positivity I am disappointed to see Kim K on the cover especially after her recent controversy over the Marilyn dress and how she boasted about starving herself and dieting to try to fit the dress," one person commented. "She doesn't mirror body positivity and acceptance in the way SI has been over the past couple of years and it makes all of the efforts SI has taken and sets you back."
Ummm…yup. Celebs diet to look attractive…which isn’t something that should be hurtful to a fully grown adult.
At this point, it’s pretty common knowledge that celebs of both sexes undergo special diets and extreme workout plans for photo and movie shoots. Case in point, Gerard Butler was injured while maintaining a superhuman-like physique for 300, and has admitted that injuries while training for other action movies (including stunts and training to look jacked) resulted in a pain pill addiction and rehab stint.
In other words….nobody can look like this for very long, and training at this level almost always results in injury.
The criticism of Kardashian on the SI Swimsuit cover isn’t notable because it matters (it doesn’t) but because a generation ago, it would have been the Evangelical Christian/Politically Conservative right condemning the famous issue for vice.
Now, it’s the social justice left because…a TV star is in good shape?
Personally, I don’t care at all about Kardashians or people who don’t like Kardashians for whatever reason…but criticizing the criticism is worth stating.
Overall, the SI Swimsuit issue feels like a bygone blip on the cultural radar that’s still good for some rage clickbait, with little cultural impact.
I haven’t watched the Netflix documentary The Rise and Fall of Abercrombie and Fitch, but according to a couple of recap videos on YouTube, one of the chief criticisms of the brand is that the company *gasp* hired young, attractive workers.
Ummm, yup.
A lot of industries are built on physical beauty, and people who win the genetic lottery make easy money.
And the NBA is built on being tall, and tall guys make a lot of money playing a kids game.
Just because someone, somewhere gets an easier break doesn’t mean you have the right to be bitter.
You’re not a victim because someone is more attractive than you and you feel bad about it.
ENJOYING WHAT YOU’RE READING? SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL FOR FREE AND NEVER MISS AN ISSUE
[three]
The Five isn’t in the business of legal analysis or prediction, but based on the reporting around the infamous Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial, the evidence certainly seems to be cutting in Depp’s favor.
If Depp wins and his name is cleared of the alleged abuse…whether or not his career can be recovered remains an open question.
Depp is the face of the only successful Disney live action movie franchise without “Star Wars” or “Marvel” in the title, but so far the quippy action franchise is moving on without him, regardless of Depp’s innocence or guilt. Mega-producer Jerry Bruckheimer told a reporter over the weekend the next pirates movie will be heading in one of two directions, with dual scrips in development—one with Margot Robbie (Birds of Prey, The Wolf of Wall Street) and one without. However, Bruckheimer stated that Depp won’t return, regardless.
The Depp/Disney divorce does seem to be rather final, as Johnny stated that he wouldn’t return to Disney for “$300 million and a million alpacas.”
However, it’s worth asking how realistic this is—given that I had no idea Robbie was set to start in a Depp-less Pirates flick (and I pay attention to movie news), and it’s questionable if even an A-lister can carry such an iconic franchise with the weight of Depp’s absence from a role that’s enshrined in pop-culture.
If Depp and Robbie do even one movie together, that might be enough to “pass the torch” on, and if Depp is found innocent, it seems just that he could reclaim the franchise he was fired from due to Heard’s allegedly false accusations against him.
Of course, Disney says this isn’t happening, but if the companies “ethics” come up against their profitability…well, the company bends the knee to Communist genocide, so I’m just gonna go out on a limb and guess that the money will talk.
[four]
Maybe this belongs in the “pop culture roundup,” but I wanted to highlight the first official trailer for The Terminal List as it’s own story.
Based on a series of novels from former Navy Seal Jack Carr and starring Chris Pratt (Jurassic World, Guardians of the Galaxy), and directed by Antoine Fuqua (Training Day, Southpaw), the buzz and built in fanbase from the novels make this one feel like we could be in true blockbuster territory here.
On Amazon Prime starting July 1st.
[five]
As always, let’s head into the weekend with a pop culture roundup…
The umpteenth entry into the alien/sci-fi/horror/shoot-em-up Predator franchise releases (checks notes) one week after my second child is due?!
Fortunately, after a run of box office bombs, this one is going straight to Hulu.
The prequel will focus on a space alien who comes to earth to trophy hunt humans, this time honing in on a band of the Commanche tribe in 1722.
The original Predator is a cult classic, one of the first R-rated action movies I ever saw (thanks to my uncle, without my parents permission) and looks like it could still hold up as a theatrical release today. However, the series really went off the rails in subsequent releases (there are 9 total), becoming increasingly sillier and more implausible.
The back-to-basics approach of Prey mirrors the bare-bones essentialism of the first film, albeit in a different setting (and century).
This one gets my full endorsement. The first trailer for The Old Man starring Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart, the Big Lebowski) and John Lithgow (Third Rock from the Sun, Dexter) in the tale of a disgraced CIA agent who’s been living in hiding for 30 years after his corrupt rivals come back into the picture and start hunting him.
The novel the series is based on is one of my favorite books of the last decade. This is basically another entry to the John-Wick-subgenre of action movies and TV shows, but the source material has more character depth than you’ll find in most projects in this vein.
Streaming on Hulu and FX June 16th.
Harrison Ford (Star Wars, Indiana Jones) and Hellen Mirren (The Queen, RED) have been announced in the leads for 1932, the next limited series in the sprawling Yellowstone saga, which follows a rancher family in Montana across three centuries.
The first prequel, 1883, starred real-life married couple Tim McGraw and Faith Hill as the founders of the Montana Yellowstone Ranch.
Now, Ford and Mirren will pick up the story with 1932, as “pandemics, historic drought, the end of Prohibition and the Great Depression all plague the Mountain West, and the Duttons who call it home.”
Hat Tip: Craig at Second Drafts for this one.
The trailer for the new season of The Umbrella Academy is out. Based on a comic by Gerard Way (best known as the vocalist for My Chemical Romance), the sci-fi romp that’s part X-Men and part X-Files has been one of Netflix’s most consistent offerings.
The trailer for She Hulk: Attorney at Law is out, and not getting the best reaction from fans, due to clunky CGI that’s being compared to “female Shrek.”
TV/MY PICK: The HBO series reboot of the 2009 movie The Time Traveler’s Wife looks pretty good, based on the first episode. The original movie starred Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana, which are big acting shoes to fill. Fortunately, Rose Leslie (Game of Thrones, Downton Abbey) does a heck of a job in the lead, shedding her British accent and distancing herself from any past performances…and she played well off of Theo James (Divergent, Sanditon).
The storyline follows a couple who struggle in their relationship because the guy…time travels. He doesn’t know why, and never knows when he’ll get back. The two also encounter each other (and themselves) at various ages and life stages.
Might sound weird…but it works. For the first episode, at least.
MUSIC NEWS: Uhhh, Gorillaz are going “on tour.” The quotes are required because Gorillaz is a fake, animated band that serve as a vehicle for mega producer/songwriter Damon Albarn (also the creative force behind Blur, Broken Bells, and The Good, the Bad and The Queen).
What this will be, exactly, is still a mystery…although my best guess is Albern will play with a live band while animation of the fake, animated band entertains guests on a large screen.
Here are the tour dates, if that sounds like a good time to you.
NEW MUSIC
If you’re not familiar with Soccer Mommy (Sophie Allison when she’s not on stage), the twentysomething indie rocker who’s become a critical darling over three albums channels the Alanis Morrisette/Lilith Fair vibe of the early 90’s (look it up, Gen Z). Her latest, “Bones” is worth a spin.
Alabama alt-country icons Drive-By Truckers boast a return to form on a song that will resonate with anyone who’s taken a long drive, late at night, listening to music.
Punk mainstays The Wonder Years slow things down a bit on their new single.
Until the next one,
-sth