Christian Men's Conference & the Gay Stripper, Future of Yellowstone is...This Actress? NFL Star Calls Out WNBA Over Pay--Super Hypocritical, 80's Star Trashes Her Own Movie (The Five for 04/18/24)
Plus, Signs and The Sixth Sense writer/director sets a horror/mystery looks great. 90's rapper dominates...the rock charts...posthumously.
Hey, welcome to The Five, a publication about the stories that matter.
It’s Friday, so let’s dive into Culture & Commentary.
[one]
Ugh. Celebrities have this terrible habit of saying dumb stuff when they’ve been out of the spotlight too long. The latest example is 80’s-it-girl Molly Ringwald, who had a run as a minor character on the train wreck that was Riverdale (a show with cool retro aesthetics and a brilliant murder mystery first season that wound up being laughably bad).
If you’ve never seen the 1985 classic The Breakfast Club, it’s about a group of kids from different social groups who spend a Saturday in detention together…and become friends, despite huge social and socioeconomic differences. As far as moral-of-the-story teen movies go, it’s a great one, in which the characters look deeper than lunch tables, extracurriculars and money (or lack thereof) to really see each other.
But Molly Ringwald had to go and burn the whole thing down this week, because hey, nobody is paying her much attention these days, and celebrities (or, ex-celebs) need attention or they will all have strokes and die. So, like a teenager trashing her own house party for in a desperate plea for attention, she trashed her own film:
If you were to remake that now, it would have to be much more diverse. You couldn’t make a movie that white, and they don’t really represent what it is to be a teenager in a school in America today.
Hang on…so a movie that’s FORTY YEARS OLD doesn’t represent what it’s like to be a teenager in the era of TikTok and Snapchat? Ringwald also claimed that “Bender sexually harassed Claire through the film.” And yet, Ringwald was happy to play Claire and cash the check, including a last scene of the movie where the pair are all lovey-dovey. So…shouldn’t she “cancel” herself for “propping up the patriarchy” or whatever?
I haven’t watched The Breakfast Club in years, and probably won’t put it on again until my oldest is old enough to appreciate the film…but gosh dang it, I want my kids to see this movie…not just because it has some of the most iconic scenes in the history of cinema, but because the final dialogue of the film encourages young people not to get stuck as a label or a stereotype, and to explore all of life.
Dear Mr. Vernon,
We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong, but we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us — in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.
Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours,
The Breakfast Club
The Breakfast Club holds up, both as pop culture and as a positive, timeless message for teenagers, even if one of it’s stars is too self-absorbed to see that.
[two]
Iowa standout Caitlin Clark was drafted #1 by the Indiana Fever this weekend, presumably changing women’s pro basketball forever. The cost of tickets to WNBA games is already increasing, before the 22-year-old has even put on a jersey.
Clark’s salary is…pretty low, by pro athlete standards. This provided a good moment for celebrities to virtue signal, like NFL QB Russell Brand (above).
Observations:
A). Clark made five million dollars as a college athlete last year, and is allegedly close to an “eight figure” deal with Nike. She will almost certainly be the highest paid female athlete in 2024, based on the 2023 stats. Clark also sold the more jerseys of ANY NFL player on draft night, which speaks to the power of her personal brand for generating Scrooge-McDuck piles of coin.
B). The entire WNBA is headed somewhere new. The league was subsidized by the NBA for more than two decades, but is now at a financial turning point, according to a report from NPR. So, salaries will almost certainly rise…BECAUSE of Caitlin Clark.
C). If Russell Wilson wants to pay WNBA players more…he should lobby for the NFL to further subsidize the league. Wilson and wife Ciara are worth nearly $200 million combined, with multiple mansions, including a nine-bedroom Colorado home with a nine-car garage for their various exotic sports cars.
The WNBA pays the salaries they’re able to…but could pay far more if the NFL would siphon some money from the top players and kick it over to the women.
D). You know what celebrities never seem to worry about? The fact that the average family needs an extra $1,000 per month to survive.
I actually really like Russell Wilson. But, economically, he’s a moron who apparently hasn’t met a middle class person since becoming a mega-star.
In the end, anybody who makes any kind of living playing a children’s past time…is pretty dang lucky to enjoy a life that would have been inconceivable for 99% of recorded history.
[three]
Yellowstone rose from a beloved underdog to the biggest show on TV since Game of Thrones…only to come crashing down, due to a conflict between creator/show runner Taylor Sheridan and star Kevin Costner.
But the beloved neo-Western may return…with a very different face in the lead.
Although anticipation was high for the rumored casting of Matthew McConaughey in an upcoming Yellowstone spinoff, this may not happen due to the recent casting of Michelle Pfeiffer, and the franchise is all the better for it. Currently, the neo-Western series created by Taylor Sheridan is in the midst of its final season and on the precipice of many big projects. Yellowstone season 5, part two is set to be released in November 2024, while a handful of Yellowstone spinoffs and sequels are in the works for the future. Most recently, Michelle Pfeiffer has been added to the roster.
In the last year, the Yellowstone franchise has seen some interesting updates and changes. Due to disagreements between Kevin Costner and Taylor Sheridan, the series was set to end after season 5 and Yellowstone's lead actor may not even return for the end of the series. To make up for this unexpected mess, Sheridan announced a Yellowstone spinoff starring Matthew McConaughey, though the actor's participation has yet to be set in stone. And now, with news that Michelle Pfeiffer has joined negotiations, Yellowstone could look much different than was anticipated this time last year.
Dang. Pfeiffer is an absolute expert in her craft, and (we can assume) seeing her lead the ranch could take the show in a VERY different, refreshing direction.
Here for it.
[four]
The topic of masculinity drives a lot of content on social media these days…and this week, a Christian Men’s Conference collided with controversy over a gay stripper.
Twitter was set ablaze when controversial megachurch pastor Mark Driscoll (who was the subject of the hit podcast The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, but not for reasons he liked) was kicked off stage for protesting the opening act—a sword swallower who has a pretty long history of stripping for both women and gay men…which makes this a strange act to book for a Christian conference of majority straight men (presumably).
(It’s worth noting that Driscoll’s “heartfelt protest” also corresponds with an upcoming book release on a related topic—so, he’ll likely financially benefit from all the media coverage via additional book sales).
Driscoll was removed from stage for speaking out against the opening act, then later made up with the megachurch pastor, which only matters because it brought this story to the national stage. I hadn’t heard of the Stronger Men’s Conference, but the promo video contains a monster truck, Luchador wrestlers, and and Indiana Jones impersonator…which seems more like the stuff that would draw 6th grade boys, not adult males.
In fact, the closest thing I’ve seen to this “Christian Men’s Conference” is the 2005 parody film Idiocracy (particularly, the President Camacho speech).
When I think of the “masculine examples” in my own family tree, a great uncle who was decorated for his actions at the Battle of the Bulge, my maternal great-grandfather, a Montana cowboy and my paternal great-grandfather, a railway builder, come to mind.
Look at the men in these pictures and ask yourself if even one of them would attend such a silly conference.
There isn’t time to offer up possible solutions due to word count restrictions, but the cure to the feminization of men…probably isn’t to get them in a room and offer up early-stage-adolescence entertainment for the low price of $119.
[five]
As always, let’s head into the weekend with a pop culture roundup.
[out now]
True crime thriller Under the Bridge on Hulu (strong reviews)
The Henry Cavill (Justice League) and Alan Ritschon (Reacher) WWII shoot-em-up The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare is in theaters (mixed reviews).
Civil War is being hailed as one of the best films of the year (strong reviews).
Zack Synder drops the second part of his Rebel Moon series on Netflix, with a likely third film on the way, and a six hour directors cut of the first two films as one movie releasing this year. (still under review embargo at the time of this writing).
Apparently there’s a remake of Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead (trailer) that’s now in theaters…but…it’s rated R? Doesn’t that miss the main audience for a movie like that…wasn't the original meant for younger teens?
There hasn’t been a biopic about Trudy Earle, the first person to swim the English channel…this looks good, but also about as predictable as Seabiscuit, Undefeated, 42, and a host of other sports and/or overcoming the elements movies. Daisey Ridley (Star Wars VII-IX) hasn’t done much since her venture into a galaxy far away…so we’ll see if she’s a theatrical draw.
Given how many movies I get to in the theater (not many, in this parenting stage), I’ll wait for streaming, but you can catch it 05/31.
Writer/Director M. Night Shyamalan has made a couple of the best (The Sixth Sense, Signs, The Village, Split, Glass) and worst (the rest of them) movies in history. His latest, which turns a teen concert into a serial killer/horror/suspense affair looks quite promising. Catch it in theaters in August.
The Last Stop in Yuma County probably won’t make much of a box office dent, but dang it, this looks fun, as a hostage/bank robber flick set in almost exclusively 1950’s desert diner. I have a soft spot for a mystery set in a singular location (Knives Out, Glass Onion and Murder on the Orient Express all come to mind). Catch it on the big screen 05/10…or, I’m guessing this one will hit streaming after just a few weeks.
[new music]
Taylor Swift surprised the world by making Tortured Poets Department a double album…due to space restrictions, there isn’t room to embed them both. At first listen, I’m pretty impressed.
Unfortunately, the legacy of the late DMX has been diminished somewhat due to his inconsistent output due to battling drug addiction…but in the late 90’s/early 00’s, the NYC rapper absolutely dominated hip hop, and was bigger than Eminem, Jay-Z, Nas, et. al for a time.
Three years after his untimely death, X has a new record…a #1 rock song with Five Finger Death Punch. The late rapper’s growl lends itself well to a bed of heavy guitars and crashing drums…throw this one on your workout playlist.
And finally, I’ll always stand up for the legacy of Lynyrd Skynyrd, a band that practiced in an un-air-conditioned shed in Florida and ran with military precision (rehearsing their epic guitar solos to perfection), and standing for justice (“Sweet Home Alabama” was a cry against racist Alabama governor George McGovern).
So, it’s great to see two of the best acts in country music, Charles Wesley Godwin and Shane Smith & The Saints, taking on an undisputed classic.
Until the next one,
-sth